Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Revisions
Revisions
From here on out, students will develop templates for their errors and write an essay about their essay and recommend corrections. The essay is similar to the SPHE essays, except your papers are the subject and you are the audience.
Below I have posted samples of the templates from a student essays and a review of ellipses.
Revisions
In the past students included a narrative on their revisions. Now, students will write an essay, similar to the SPHE essays including templates for the errors which I have listed on the front page of the essay. Students mistakenly think a C- is a passing grade. It is not. If you are lost because you have missed lectures and/or class we need to talk. I am here for office hours on Thursday after 10 AM in A-232 for a couple of hours.
I am also available by phone. My SPHE Second Edition disappeared yesterday. My name is in it, if you see it floating around (smile).
The revision template:
Before you write your essay, you will compose a sheet containing the errors identified in your essay. I have named them and indicated where they are in your essay. If you can't find them, let me know.
You must type the list using the following format:
First, you must write out the complete sentence(s) containing the error as the sentence(s) appear in the graded essay.
Then, write out the sentence as it will appear in your essay. Include ellipsis marks and lowercase letters if you use them. The goal here is to remove any unnecessary text, but be careful not to remove too much text. With some errors, you may want to use the entire sentence. Lastly, write out the corrected sentence as it will appear in your essay with ellipsis marks and lowercase letters.
Review of the rules for omission of text from the beginning of a sentence:
If the first word of the quotation is capitalized, ellipsis marks are necessary.
Original: After class I want to go home.
Pidd writes, ". . . I want to go home."
If the first word of the quotation is not capitalized, you have two options.
Original: It's not a secret that the people in this town are weird.
1. No ellipsis marks and no caps.
Pidd writes, "the people in this town are weird."
2. No ellipsis marks, first word capitalized in brackets
Pidd says, "[T]thee people in this town are weird."
SAMPLE TEMPLATE for the list the errors
Error 1: Confused Word
Complete sentence
"In this book it has shown many instances of education bringing fruitful things to these women who chose and have the opportunity to become education" (1).
Shortened sentence(s) containing error with ellipsis marks:
"[W]omen who chose and have the opportunity. . ." (1).
Shortened sentence(s) containing correction with ellipsis marks:
"[W]omen who choose and have the opportunity. . ." (1).
Error 2: Redundancy, wrong word choice, verb tense
"In this book it has shown many instances of education bringing fruitful things to these women who chose and have the opportunity to become education" (1).
Corrected sentence:"Half the Sky shows many instances of education bringing fruitful things to these women who choose and have the opportunity to become educated" (1).
Error 3: Signal phrase and MLA for book title, unnecessary words, parallel structure
"In this book "Half the Sky," it has shown me that education is the key to tolerance, as well as the empowerment of women" (1).
Corrected sentence:"This book, Half the Sky, by Sheryl WuDunn and Nicolas Kristof, has shown me that education is the key to tolerance, as well as, to empowered women"(1).
Error 4: Comma splice, parenthetical citation, missing and/or misplaced punctuation
"Even the very wealthy Bill Gates has spoken out against the unfair treatment of women and its backwards logic, he states, 'Well, if you're not fully utilizing half the talent in the country, you're not going to get to the top ten. (Half the sky 159)"
Corrected sentence: "Even the very wealthy Bill Gates has spoken out against the unfair treatment of women and its backwards logic. He states, 'Well, if you're not fully utilizing half the talent in the country, you're not going to get to the top ten" (Kristof and
WuDunn 159).
And so on . . .
Write an introduction which can be a paraphrase of the skills and goals for the course (the State of CA requirements listed in the syllabus, teacher goals and objective and your own). The conclusion can be something appropriate, perhaps even witty.
There are templates models for CASE errors on 138; POSSESSIVES on 240; POV on 162; PRONOUN AGR on 94, PASSIVE VOICE on 9 and FRAGMENT on 38. Some of the errors do not have models. If you are stuck, ask for assistance.
This is your final Pidd essay.
From here on out, students will develop templates for their errors and write an essay about their essay and recommend corrections. The essay is similar to the SPHE essays, except your papers are the subject and you are the audience.
Below I have posted samples of the templates from a student essays and a review of ellipses.
Revisions
In the past students included a narrative on their revisions. Now, students will write an essay, similar to the SPHE essays including templates for the errors which I have listed on the front page of the essay. Students mistakenly think a C- is a passing grade. It is not. If you are lost because you have missed lectures and/or class we need to talk. I am here for office hours on Thursday after 10 AM in A-232 for a couple of hours.
I am also available by phone. My SPHE Second Edition disappeared yesterday. My name is in it, if you see it floating around (smile).
The revision template:
Before you write your essay, you will compose a sheet containing the errors identified in your essay. I have named them and indicated where they are in your essay. If you can't find them, let me know.
You must type the list using the following format:
First, you must write out the complete sentence(s) containing the error as the sentence(s) appear in the graded essay.
Then, write out the sentence as it will appear in your essay. Include ellipsis marks and lowercase letters if you use them. The goal here is to remove any unnecessary text, but be careful not to remove too much text. With some errors, you may want to use the entire sentence. Lastly, write out the corrected sentence as it will appear in your essay with ellipsis marks and lowercase letters.
Review of the rules for omission of text from the beginning of a sentence:
If the first word of the quotation is capitalized, ellipsis marks are necessary.
Original: After class I want to go home.
Pidd writes, ". . . I want to go home."
If the first word of the quotation is not capitalized, you have two options.
Original: It's not a secret that the people in this town are weird.
1. No ellipsis marks and no caps.
Pidd writes, "the people in this town are weird."
2. No ellipsis marks, first word capitalized in brackets
Pidd says, "[T]thee people in this town are weird."
SAMPLE TEMPLATE for the list the errors
Error 1: Confused Word
Complete sentence
"In this book it has shown many instances of education bringing fruitful things to these women who chose and have the opportunity to become education" (1).
Shortened sentence(s) containing error with ellipsis marks:
"[W]omen who chose and have the opportunity. . ." (1).
Shortened sentence(s) containing correction with ellipsis marks:
"[W]omen who choose and have the opportunity. . ." (1).
Error 2: Redundancy, wrong word choice, verb tense
"In this book it has shown many instances of education bringing fruitful things to these women who chose and have the opportunity to become education" (1).
Corrected sentence:"Half the Sky shows many instances of education bringing fruitful things to these women who choose and have the opportunity to become educated" (1).
Error 3: Signal phrase and MLA for book title, unnecessary words, parallel structure
"In this book "Half the Sky," it has shown me that education is the key to tolerance, as well as the empowerment of women" (1).
Corrected sentence:"This book, Half the Sky, by Sheryl WuDunn and Nicolas Kristof, has shown me that education is the key to tolerance, as well as, to empowered women"(1).
Error 4: Comma splice, parenthetical citation, missing and/or misplaced punctuation
"Even the very wealthy Bill Gates has spoken out against the unfair treatment of women and its backwards logic, he states, 'Well, if you're not fully utilizing half the talent in the country, you're not going to get to the top ten. (Half the sky 159)"
Corrected sentence: "Even the very wealthy Bill Gates has spoken out against the unfair treatment of women and its backwards logic. He states, 'Well, if you're not fully utilizing half the talent in the country, you're not going to get to the top ten" (Kristof and
WuDunn 159).
And so on . . .
Write an introduction which can be a paraphrase of the skills and goals for the course (the State of CA requirements listed in the syllabus, teacher goals and objective and your own). The conclusion can be something appropriate, perhaps even witty.
There are templates models for CASE errors on 138; POSSESSIVES on 240; POV on 162; PRONOUN AGR on 94, PASSIVE VOICE on 9 and FRAGMENT on 38. Some of the errors do not have models. If you are stuck, ask for assistance.
This is your final Pidd essay.
